Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can't turn off my feet"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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