I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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