I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You pole danced in your parka.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
