After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
