i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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