im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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