y did u give ur computer a hand job?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
