I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
His nipple licking is glorious
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