when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
