I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ketchup is God's man juice
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
