New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize