how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
