You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need water and some morals
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
