Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
