just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
