you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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