question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
