White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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