some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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