Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
