Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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