my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
