when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
