you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
