Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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