Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
