my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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