Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My cat gives me a boner
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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