I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize