feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
