I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
