I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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