I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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