they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
