Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
