i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
