I didn't shave. On purpose
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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