Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
