Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
