I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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