I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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