i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
