I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
