I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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