i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
