All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
