The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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