so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
