omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The police scanner is talking about you again....
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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