Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
