People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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