I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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