By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
