just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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