I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
