He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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