If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
