So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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