I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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