I need to stop coming to work sober
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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