wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
