Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
