soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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