Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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