We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
