You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize