I smell stomach acid.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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